The Not-So-Bright Side of Coruscant

New Blog!!

2007-07-31T21:20:00.000-06:00

I made a new blog due to a horrible attack of plot bunnies :p

Here's the link: http://spider-maninspace.blogspot.com

Keep checking back here though, cause I'll keep updating this one also ;)

The Truth Behind the Trooper- Part 2

2007-07-18T21:45:00.000-06:00

After many troopers came back to active duty drunk and/or stoned, the Empire designed a new suit that had an alcohol gauge. Spies were also sent to 'Party-Zones' but a picture is not need to see that this particular trooper's suit is 'full'.

The Truth Behind the Trooper

2007-06-24T20:28:00.000-06:00

We all know that our Troopers are the bravest and most fierce warriors in the galaxy. In battle they give it their all, taking no prisoners and showing no mercy. But, what do they do when they're not battling, or training for battling? Well, I have the truth... (This will be a series)

HORRIBLE TRUTH #1
The army's made up of clones, right? As you all know, troopers are... ahem ... men... And men enjoy women... Clones = no women...

Luke

2007-06-15T18:36:00.001-06:00

Hunting

2007-04-25T16:00:00.000-06:00

From the log of: Ruti Lusgutter, Friendly Galactic Redneck

"There we were, walking the forests of Kashyyk, when a tree root snaked its way across the path, and, without my knowin', managed to wrap itself around my foot. While fall-- regaining my balance, I must've bumped my camcommlink, because I got a picture of this:

That is NOT a wookiee. 'Hmm,' I thought, 'I may be onto something here!' Faster than a whipped jawa, I ran back to my ship and uploaded the 'non-wookiee' to the hypernet, trying to find a sentient species that looks like it. With a little typing and posting, soon the whole galaxy knew about this strange being that didn't fall into any alien societies.

***************

Leaving the hypernet console, I wandered over to the ship's cooler and pulled out some 'Dancin' Twi'lek' ale and watched out the window, tryin' to see that hairy rug again. With a 'ping!' my hypernet console notified me that I had a response. Fully ready to deny any amount of alcohol in my body, I was utterly shocked to find this:

"Hello, Mr. Lusgutter. This is Secuut Usturba, a fellow 'non-wookiee' eye-witness. It appears that I am parked a few kilometers from your ship. Would you like me to bring the rest of my 'non-wookiee' hunting team? I believe out of all of us, you have the most recent siting. Please do try to set up a stakeout point while we travel to your ship."

'Ha, fancy-accented Coruscanti couldn't stand a minute out here with these bugs.' I thought, scratching my belly and walking outside. 'Hmmm, a stakeout spot...' I said, lookin' around for idears. 'Hey! I've got it!'

************************

After a coupla hours, them fancy suits showed up at my ship. Looking at their disgusted faces, I figgered that their campsite was a little cleaner than my ale can ridden home. 'A little dirt won't hurt 'em,' I thought as I led them to my stakeout spot.

"Ugh, you are OBVIOUSLY not a professional," that Mr. Usturba groaned. Within a few minutes, the whole crowd left, each one scowling before they disappeared into the brush. 'Their loss,' I thought, climbing into my huntin' stand, andhunkerin' down with the cooler by my side, I sat and waited.

*************************

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!" jolted me off my lawn chair. "It's the thing!" I shouted, then had a thought, "What if I mimic the sound that it's making? Then it'll either come to me, or I can wander over to it! I can even wrap the rug around my shoulders in case it sees me..." With that, I yowled back and began my trek towards that sound.

Gettin' really close to the yowls, I came across a clearing filled with none other than those stuck up Coruscanti from earlier. It was THEM tryin' to make the sound to attract other non-wookiees! I groaned while stepping into their camp, hoping for at least a ride back.

"LOOK! It's the non-wookiee!" One of them shouted, "LET'S GET HIM!"

My voice must've come out as more groans and growls because they didn't hear one word of protest. Before I knew it, they were trying to hog tie me! I couldn't let 'em do that, they might file charges or somethin' for impersonating a mythical creature! So, I did what anyone would do in my position, I howled and punched the closest person in the face as hard as I could. While they were trying to help the newly punched comrade to his feet, I ran. And when I say ran, I mean RAN.

*******************************

A few days later, I was flippin' through channels, and I came upon this press conference talkin' about the new branch of the Republic devoted to 'Sasquatch' hunting. I guessed that's what they call that non-wookiee...

No Inspiration

2007-02-13T10:52:00.000-06:00

*slams head against computer desk*

I have extreme writer's block enhanced by head cold...

I haven't forgotten about this blog, I just don't have anything to say :p

Test Piloting; New Republic, Overseer of Technology

2007-02-05T16:49:00.000-06:00

Okay, the New Republic's gotten it's foothold in the galaxy and all, right? ... Good enough to start advancing their technology, weapons, and ships. I've been assigned to work with the new ship development... I heard that top specialists would be working with the team I've assembled. I thought, "Hey, what a good idea! They'll be able to help us... Plus, we won't have to get our own butts singed off from new craft that haven't quite had all the bugs worked out..." Well... That was before I realized that we only had a frame done, and our sole mechanic (the others are out to lunch, and have been for five standard hours now) was found sleeping.

This was not good.

Just then, a call from Coruscant arrived. "Ma'am!" A subordinate tech officer called out, "A call from the Chief of State for you!"

I started mouthing, "I'm at lunch, tell her I'm at lunch!" Of course, what can I expect from these officers nowadays? They're all about one lekku short of a twi'lek... Anyways, I was forced to answer.

Upon putting the commlink down, I knew that I was in for. Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa Solo would be coming here themselves to test our new brand of speeder.

This was really not good.

Working on three cups of Jawa Juice and a Corellian Ale, I was done in the time it took for them to come all the way from Coruscant.

Luke stepped out of the small transport ship that they'd taken from the landing pad first. "Hello," Was all he said, with a slight nod of his hooded head.

"H-hi." Was all I could whisper. I never had a chance to actually run the engines, so there's no telling what could happen...

Leia was next, and to my surprise, she was dressed as if she expected to test the speeder herself.

This was extremely, really not good.

"Good d-day, ma'am," I said, addressing Leia, "Are you expecting to do some flying?"

"Of course, why else would I be dressed like this?"

GULP.

"I only meant, ma'am, that I don't know if I have any helm--"

"I have my own."

Great. Now I couldn't even think of another lie to get her out of this, so I decided to tell the truth.

This was extremely, really, very not good.

"Ma'am, there's still a few bugs that I-- the crew, I mean, need to work out."

"Nonsense," Leia said, strapping on her helmet as Luke was doing the same, "I'm sure your crew tested while constructing."

"You're right, ma'am, they must've." Now what was I SUPPOOSED to tell her? That they all disappeared, save one lethargic one, and are all probably drunk under tables by now?

The holonews crew finished setting up their equipment.

Great, the whole galaxy will watch as I cause the death of two distinguished war heroes...

I winced visibly as Leia started up the engine. 'So far, so good...' I thought... until she hit the throttle.

The speeder took off... And when I say took off, I mean... They took off... Faster than any podracer I've ever seen...

This was extremely, really, ver-- whatever, you get it.

Anyways, if anyone's looking for the Overseer of Technology of the New Republic, I'm out to lunch with the rest of the gang...

Insanity Conquers All; New Republic, HoloNet Reporter

2007-02-03T17:57:00.001-06:00

"Anchorman Vagoram Galut here, bringing you a news story that is as shocking as it is odd. Now, without further ado, let me turn it over to the holoimages the reporter on scene recovered."

REPORTER: So, you are Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, correct?

SKYWALKER: Correct. What's this interview about, anyways?

REPORTER: Well, I have reason to suspect that you weren't always the noble, respected war hero that you are today.

SKYWALKER: Actually, that's quite obvi--

REPORTER: Don't interupt! I'm the one doing the interview!

SKYWALKER: *sigh* Alri--

REPORTER: Shush. Now, I have found some incriminating pictures.

SKYWALKER: I find that impossible! I've never done anything illegal or immoral!

REPORTER: I see you don't believe me... Well! I shall bring on the first picture!

SKYWALKER: *silent for a long time* Where did you get that?

REPORTER: It doesn't matter where I got it! It matters that you gave a creature of unknown origin a hideous haircut!

SKYWALKER: What?! He was like that when I found him!

REPORTER: So you stole him...

SKYWALKER: NO!

REPORTER: A likely story, I'm sure... NOW! Onto the next picture!

SKYWALKER: I fail to see what I'm doing wrong in that picture...

REPORTER: For one thing, you're signing your life away, and for another, your tie does NOT match you shirt!

SKYWALKER: *says nothing*

REPORTER: Aaaaaaalll right then..... moving on...

We both know you're not a lifeguard...

SKYWALKER: Look, is this going anywhere? Or are you just taking simple pictures and trying to prove me insane?

REPORTER: Pretty much the second thing...

SKYWALKER: La, la, la! I'm not listening to any more questions!

REPORTER: You know, that's not very ma--

SKYWALKER: *suddenly goes quiet and smiles*

REPORTER: Umm... I don't really like the way you're looking at me...

SKYWALKER: *makes face, then begins jumping over the reporter*

REPORTER: What are you doing?!?!

SKYWALKER: Giving you material.

REPORTER: Wait, wait, wait... You're giving ME material? For an article about your insanity?!

SKYWAKLER: *leans in closer* Between you and me... I need to ruin my reputation as a Jedi Master...

REPORTER: What? Why?

SKYWALKER: I wanna be a muppet.

*Recording ends*

"Well, there you have it! Jedi Master Luke Skywalker's finally cracked! You heard it here first!"

Hello, everyone!

2007-02-03T17:45:00.001-06:00

Well, here I am... An empty blog... I shall post once I figure out the ins and outs of blogspot ;)