"There we were, walking the forests of Kashyyk, when a tree root snaked its way across the path, and, without my knowin', managed to wrap itself around my foot. While fall-- regaining my balance, I must've bumped my camcommlink, because I got a picture of this:
That is NOT a wookiee. 'Hmm,' I thought, 'I may be onto something here!' Faster than a whipped jawa, I ran back to my ship and uploaded the 'non-wookiee' to the hypernet, trying to find a sentient species that looks like it. With a little typing and posting, soon the whole galaxy knew about this strange being that didn't fall into any alien societies.
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Leaving the hypernet console, I wandered over to the ship's cooler and pulled out some 'Dancin' Twi'lek' ale and watched out the window, tryin' to see that hairy rug again. With a 'ping!' my hypernet console notified me that I had a response. Fully ready to deny any amount of alcohol in my body, I was utterly shocked to find this:
"Hello, Mr. Lusgutter. This is Secuut Usturba, a fellow 'non-wookiee' eye-witness. It appears that I am parked a few kilometers from your ship. Would you like me to bring the rest of my 'non-wookiee' hunting team? I believe out of all of us, you have the most recent siting. Please do try to set up a stakeout point while we travel to your ship."
'Ha, fancy-accented Coruscanti couldn't stand a minute out here with these bugs.' I thought, scratching my belly and walking outside. 'Hmmm, a stakeout spot...' I said, lookin' around for idears. 'Hey! I've got it!'
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After a coupla hours, them fancy suits showed up at my ship. Looking at their disgusted faces, I figgered that their campsite was a little cleaner than my ale can ridden home. 'A little dirt won't hurt 'em,' I thought as I led them to my stakeout spot.
"Ugh, you are OBVIOUSLY not a professional," that Mr. Usturba groaned. Within a few minutes, the whole crowd left, each one scowling before they disappeared into the brush. 'Their loss,' I thought, climbing into my huntin' stand, andhunkerin' down with the cooler by my side, I sat and waited.
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"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!" jolted me off my lawn chair. "It's the thing!" I shouted, then had a thought, "What if I mimic the sound that it's making? Then it'll either come to me, or I can wander over to it! I can even wrap the rug around my shoulders in case it sees me..." With that, I yowled back and began my trek towards that sound.
Gettin' really close to the yowls, I came across a clearing filled with none other than those stuck up Coruscanti from earlier. It was THEM tryin' to make the sound to attract other non-wookiees! I groaned while stepping into their camp, hoping for at least a ride back.
"LOOK! It's the non-wookiee!" One of them shouted, "LET'S GET HIM!"
My voice must've come out as more groans and growls because they didn't hear one word of protest. Before I knew it, they were trying to hog tie me! I couldn't let 'em do that, they might file charges or somethin' for impersonating a mythical creature! So, I did what anyone would do in my position, I howled and punched the closest person in the face as hard as I could. While they were trying to help the newly punched comrade to his feet, I ran. And when I say ran, I mean RAN.
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A few days later, I was flippin' through channels, and I came upon this press conference talkin' about the new branch of the Republic devoted to 'Sasquatch' hunting. I guessed that's what they call that non-wookiee...
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